O.J. Sicko Hates
It has been a great year for dead famous people. Since the start of 1997, one after the other seems to part from this world. And it's all for the better. We have 5 billion people living on this crowded globe and most of them never get a chance to earn their fifteen minutes of fame as promised by Andy Warhol and then you have all these celebrities that stay around forever and ever, boring us all to death. Serves them right they die, and the more spectaculair the better. What was more entertaining, a drunken driver driving a beloved princess to death in a tunnel or mother Theresa's heart finally stopping to pump? There were more people watching her buriel than there were people watching her marry the prince of Wales, only a few thousands noticed the death of mother Theresa, who really did good to a lot more people than the Princess. Millions and millions of people watching television and weeping their crocodile tears. And for what? I mean they should be glad we got rid of her in the end. We need the space! For instance thanks to the princess there is now more room in all the tabloids for all the really important stuff.
Like Michael Hutchence hanging himself! The people around him didn't see it coming? Oh didn't they, really? Well I would have, not that I thought about Michael anymore, I mean his band had finally buggered off and decided to stay down under, so I didn't worry about INXS nomore. But when they were still around with their synthesized rock crap there were enough signs it would end the way it did. If I were to front such a halfarsed band I would have topped myself a lot earlier. Why didn't Michael? He should have quit while he was ahead. No, no, he stuck around, boring us to death by appearing in all tabloids every once in a while. First by hanging around Kylie and then by stealing Sir Bob Geldof's wife. And every time INXS returned they gave us a bigger pile of shite to listen to. Well, not that I did, but it did annoy me that whenever I turned on MTV there was a chance to see that smug face whining or hearing him scream his way through one of their shitty songs on the radio. The coming year that will happen a lot more, and they probably revive some old rehearsal sessions and add his voice using state of the art digital techniques, the same way they did with Queen. Not that they'll need much state of the art because you could get the same effect a lot cheaper by wringing a cat in front of the microphone. But, for sure, in a year or two, when they run out of cats, no more INXS.
I very much hope this is becoming a trend, I've got a lot more Michaels on my list that should go the way mister Hutchence went. Take Michael Jackson, his haydays are long gone and now the Hanson three are around there's no more need for a Jackson Five or the girly albino he has turned into. Or take Michael Bolton what some women see in this mister goldylocks I have no idea, don't they see this is one ugly bald motherfucker making some bogstandard soul crap? Or what about George Michael, okay Michael is his surname, but that makes it even worse, this fucker should have topped himself right before he started. I mean, is there anyone who wants to hear his twofaced crap again? First a slow sexy song, then a quick dancy song, then another slow song, over and over again. This guy tries to ruin music in general in such a calculated manner, he shouldn't kill himself, he should be shot! Preferably on MTV. Maybe a good idea for the next Prodigy video? Or what about Mick (yeah, another Michael) Jagger? Old people should be taken out of their misery, or in the case of the Rolling Stones, they should be electrocuted on stage during a thunderstorm, to rid us of our misery. Or take that other Mick. Red haired Mick Hucknall has singlehandedly made Rhythm & Blues unlistenable for generations to come, by plagiarising so many a good Motown song and turning it into his own bland soul drivel. May his million dollar studio cave in on him, while he's working on his next record.
But all these Michaels are loved by a lot more people, not as much as the princess, but still. Poor poor Michael Hutchence, there is probably no-one who's going to write a song for him. Ah, wouldn't it be wonderful if Elton tries to really boost his carreer by writing another song called 'Hanging in the Wind'? Bye bye Michael, I hope you will inspire others to do the same. We need the space.